How To Embarrass Your (Almost) Teenage Daughter

This is my daughter.  She is smart, funny, creative, and wonderful.  She is also just a couple of months away from becoming a teenager.

At this point the few months we have to wait is really just a technicality.  She has the attitude, and personality of a surly (yet still livable) teenager.

There are many disadvantages to living with a teenager.  The grunting as a way of speech.  The late sleeping, which combined with the weird smells of a messy room, makes you wonder if they died in their sleep.  The pickiness regarding food, clothing, and entertainment.

It is not easy, but there is one large advantage; teenagers are so much fun to embarrass.  Every little thing can yield a cringe, or a blush. Even on a bad day, I still manage to get an eye roll.

It’s not easy.  It takes work to constantly make certain you have something planned to keep my day interesting, and making sure she always knows her mother loves her enough to embarrass her.

1) Show affection in public.  Let your child know you are proud to be their parent.

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2) Dance and sing in public.  The store has your favorite coffee creamer?  That is worth a dance.  Cheesy 90’s song on the radio?  Sing loudly.  Extra points if it is some sort of rap.

3) Selfies.  Whenever possible, preferably squishing in together.  Be super excited about it.

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4) Use faux-modern teen slang.  I constantly use words at home such as ‘totes’, ‘cray-cray’, or ‘for realsies.”  When I really need to pull out the big guns, I channel Snoop Dogg and throw in a few ‘fo’ shizzle’s into the mix.  Big One swears she has never heard any person speak that way in real life.  I’m kind of grateful for that.

5) Photobomb!  This is Little One’s favorite way of helping to embarrass her big sister.  As I am usually behind the camera, I have few opportunities to try this one but the look on her face whenever it happens lets me know it has potential for the future.

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6)Take pictures of her when she isn’t expecting it. Make sure to tell everyone how adorbs she was when it was taken.

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7) Take her picture at all.  Private, public.  It doesn’t matter.  It gives the illusion that she is a cute little kid in her big girl panties for the first time.

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8)Call her adorbs.  We also enjoy the term ‘adorkable’ in our house.  In a real pinch I go with calling her my nerd-dizzle.

9) Video her embarrassing moments.  Make sure she knows it is now preserved forever.  (I am not posting the video of her first archery shot where the arrow landed directly in front of her.  I don’t want to be smothered in my sleep.)

10)  Make sure she knows she is awesome, in spite of her embarrassing parents.

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